Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the cucumber peeling its skin off and blushed from embarrassment.

—

I asked my friend if he believed in ghosts. He said, “Of course not, they’re just figments of our imagination.”

So I replied, “Well then, I guess your imagination must be haunting you because it’s doing a terrible job at paying the rent.”

—

My car broke down on the highway the other day. I popped the hood and took a look, but all I saw was a bunch of metal parts having a heated argument about who was responsible for the breakdown.

In the end, I had to call a mechanic to mediate the dispute.

—

I went to the doctor because I was feeling under the weather. He prescribed me some medicine, but I decided to save money by just taking a spoonful of sugar instead.

After all, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, so it must be just as effective on its own, right?

—

My friend told me he was going on a diet to lose weight. I asked him what his plan was, and he said he was going to eat nothing but salads for a month.

I told him that was a terrible idea – if he wanted to lose weight, he should just take up smoking instead. After all, cigarettes are a much more effective appetite suppressant than lettuce.