Why do we call it a “living room” when most of the time it’s filled with dead furniture? I guess it’s just a polite way of saying our house is a morgue for wood and fabric!

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When I was young, my parents told me that if I ate my vegetables, I’d grow up strong. Now, as an adult, I’m convinced that’s just a conspiracy by the plant kingdom to infiltrate our bodies and take over the world. I mean, why else would they want us to eat them if not for world domination?

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My friend told me he was dating a clock. I asked if time was flying when they were together, and he said, “No, but she’s always ticking me off.” I guess when you’re in a relationship with time, every second counts double.

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I once saw a man so hungry that he tried to eat his own shadow. I offered him my shadow instead, but he said it was too thin. I replied, “Well, at least it’s not casting any calories!”

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Some say life is a journey. I say it’s more like a game of hide and seek where you’re both the seeker and the hider. Just when you think you’ve found yourself, you realize you’ve been hiding behind your own illusions all along.