Why do we say “break a leg” to wish someone good luck?

Because if you’re in the hospital with a broken leg, you don’t have to go to work!

I asked my friend if he believed in aliens. He said, “Of course not, they’re too busy running our government to visit us!”

My wife told me she was leaving me because I spend too much time playing video games. I told her, “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll pause it while you pack.”

I told my doctor I was shrinking. He said, “You’ll have to be a little patient.”

Why don’t skeletons go on vacation?

Because they’re afraid of relaxing to death!