I asked a tree why it was so calm during the storm. It replied, “I’ve seen so many couples come and go in this park, a little wind and rain is nothing compared to the drama I witness daily.”

My friend said he was heartbroken after his girlfriend left him. I told him to look on the bright side – at least now he has more time to work on his juggling career. After all, keeping three balls in the air is easier than maintaining a relationship.

I overheard a carrot complaining to a cucumber in the supermarket. The carrot said, “Why do humans think we’re healthy? We’re just as doomed as they are in the end. At least you get to be pickled and live a little longer.”

My boss told me I needed to be more punctual. I told him that’s easy – if I start showing up to work in a prison uniform, I’ll have no choice but to be on time every day.