Why did the pillow go to therapy?

It couldn’t handle the daily pressure and felt like it was suffocating under the weight of responsibility. It asked the therapist, “Why do humans find comfort in squishing me? Is it because I don’t scream when they do it?”

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I once met a man who claimed he could see the future. I asked him to predict the stock market, but he refused. He said, “Predicting the future is easy. It’s dealing with the present that’s a nightmare.” I guess he didn’t want to face the reality of losing money.

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A clock and a calendar were having a heated argument. The clock said, “I’m more important because I keep time every second.” The calendar retorted, “But I control the big picture, you’re just a tiny piece in my grand scheme.” In the end, they realized they were both slaves to the concept of time.

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I read that 90% of marriages end in divorce. That’s shocking! It means that 10% of couples have to endure a lifetime of misery without the relief of separation. How do they manage to stay miserable for so long?

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My friend asked me if I believed in fate. I told him, “Of course I do. Fate is like a GPS that constantly recalculates your route, even when you’re trying to go somewhere else.” He looked at me puzzled and said, “I think you’re lost in your own analogy.” I replied, “Maybe, but at least fate will eventually get me where I’m supposed to be, even if it takes the scenic route.”

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I saw a man with a huge nose walking down the street. I asked him if he had trouble breathing. He said, “No, but I do have a hard time finding a mask that fits properly. It’s like trying to put a band-aid on a mountain.”

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A man was complaining about his job, saying it was soul-crushing. I suggested he try meditation to find inner peace. He scoffed and said, “Meditation won’t help. The only thing that can save my soul is a winning lottery ticket.” I guess he prefers the quick fix over the long-term solution.