Why do we call some people “old souls”?

I met a guy the other day who claimed he was an old soul trapped in a young body. I told him he should go to the antique roadshow; maybe they could give him a proper valuation. After all, if he’s that old, he must be worth a fortune! But then I thought, if old souls are so valuable, why do we keep them locked up in young, inexperienced bodies? It’s like putting a priceless masterpiece in a cheap frame. And if life is a prison, at least with an old soul, you get the benefit of parole for good behavior. But honestly, if smoking is supposed to be fatal, then so is being an old soul in a young body – the stress of it all might just kill you faster than a cigarette ever could.

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Did you hear about the time my friend got hit by a car?

He was crossing the street, minding his own business, when out of nowhere, a car smashed into him. His bones were shattered, and he was lying there in agony. I rushed over with a glass of fresh milk, you know, to help with the calcium deficiency from his broken bones. As I handed him the milk, he looked up at me with disbelief and said, “Is this all you’ve got? A glass of milk?” I replied, “Well, what did you expect? A miracle? At least this way, you’ll have strong bones for your next life. And if you think about it, getting hit by a car is like getting a free ride to the emergency room. No need to call a cab!”