Someone asked me if I believed in fate. I said, of course, I do! Fate is like a GPS that constantly recalculates your route, even when you think you’re hopelessly lost. But unlike a GPS, fate doesn’t have an annoying voice telling you to make a U-turn at the next intersection.

I was walking down the street the other day when I saw a clock arguing with a calendar. The clock was saying, “You’re always trying to rush me! I’m doing the best I can, one second at a time!” The calendar replied, “Well, you’re always dragging your feet! I’ve got deadlines to meet!” I couldn’t help but laugh at their timeless dispute.

They say that money can’t buy happiness, but have you ever seen someone frowning on a jet ski? I’m pretty sure if you gave someone a million dollars and told them to spend it all on jet skis, they’d be grinning from ear to ear, even if they ended up bankrupt and waterlogged.

I went to a restaurant the other day that specialized in fusion cuisine. They served me a dish that was half pizza, half sushi. I asked the waiter what it was called, and he said, “It’s our signature dish – a ‘pizzushi’!” I told him it tasted like a culinary identity crisis, but I couldn’t stop eating it.