Why do some people say marriage is like a prison sentence?

Well, in marriage, you’re expected to stick to one partner for life, just like inmates are stuck with the same cellmate. But at least in prison, you get conjugal visits to spice things up! And if things get too boring, you can always try to escape. Although, breaking out of marriage is a lot harder than breaking out of jail – the alimony payments are like ankle monitors you can never shake off!

I once saw a man so skinny, he looked like a skeleton walking down the street. I thought to myself, “This guy must be a professional marathon runner, training for the next big race.” But then I realized, maybe he’s just trying to save money on food so he can afford a bigger TV. After all, you can’t put a price on entertainment, right? Though I suppose if he keeps losing weight at this rate, soon he’ll be able to fit inside the TV and watch shows from the inside!

Some people complain that their jobs are killing them. But isn’t everything we do just bringing us closer to death? I mean, even sleeping is fatal if you think about it – every time you hit the snooze button, you’re one step closer to your eternal slumber. So why not enjoy the ride while it lasts? Sure, your job might be stressful, but at least it gives you something to complain about at the water cooler. And who knows, maybe all that stress will make you live longer, just to spite your boss!